Quatre's Journal
by GothicRinoa
Summary: A series of entry's of Quatre's journal that reflect on his life. (3+4 hinted at the first, later 3x4)
1. Entry 1

Entry #1:   
  
I observe. I watch. I think. I act.   
  
How I viewed life was mostly observing. I wouldn't talk about many things. It was best for me to keep my thoughts to myself. It was rather interesting to watch others, observing their faults and pety arguments with one another.   
  
I usually spent time on my own. I prefer it... I was a smart person, just afraid to express it. It wasn't that I didn't like expressing myself it was the fact that it was my own business.   
  
I guess I'd be fine to start with life, in general. Friends, family, school, my intrests, hobbies, feelings, everything. It's my fears, anger and happiness.   
  
First I think that I'll start with friends. Hm, guess thre's few. It doesn't matter though. I could enjoy myself with lots, few and/or no friends. I have a really special friend his name is Trowa, he's one that I can express my thoughts and opinions with, I suppose... we think alike.   
  
I think I'm starting to care lots for him. Yes him. I'm gay. Like there's anything wrong with that. I see that not everyone accepts that but who cares. I do what I like. No one can tell me different. I mean I accept everyone for who they are, they're ways, beliefs, and life. So they should accept me. But I know that's not how the world works, there is much prejudice and racism. It is horrible.   
  
I really do see who my real friend's are and who aren't. The ones who stick their noses up in my face and act like a prep are not my friends. How could they when they don't accept me for who I am. I don't like those types of people. They think everyone should be the same, yet nobody is. Yet some try and act alike. They want to be popular. Those are the followers. They're like sheep. They all seem to have to look alike. It's pitiful and a disgrace. It's not that I don't accept them for who they are, it's just fustrating because sometimes....they can be so rude and inconsiderate to others.   
  
Anyway I suppose family would have to be the next subject I need to explain. Probably the most difficult.   
  
For starters, my family is quite confusing, big and extremely prejudice. I have 29 older sisters. Too many, I can't even rememeber all of their names. It doesn't matter most of them are out of the house already and had their own families. But during family reunions... it was hell. I'd rather lock myself in my room and get away from the hoard of relatives, over half I don't even know. My father is a business man. He rarely is around. Too busy with his work. My mother...died while giving birth to me. I wish I could of met her. All I have is pictures of her that was taken. Everyone says I look like her alot. I usually loook at the pictures time to time. Just to try and get a picture in his mind of what she was like.   
  
Let's see... I suppose I'm done with family. How about I move on to school.   
  
What can I say about it? Well, it's not bad. I like my classes and I get average marks. I'm thinking of becoming a photographer. I love to take pictures. Capture the moment. I expessially love sceanery and places. I have a large collection. I even spend most of my money on film and camera's. I really love capturing the moent, as I already said. I guess there isn't much more to say but, that I love Photography.   
  
I like alot of things I guess. I have lots of hobbies that I enjoy to do. I write, draw somwhat, I mess around on my computer usually messing with photo's, videogames are also something I do frequently and then I also just hang out with Trowa alot of the time.   
  
I cluld put a little bit more about myself I suppose. I have a worst fear, I guess it's losing my friend Trowa, I hope nothing ever happens. I hate it when people say things about us. I know I sound lame but it's true. I get angry over dumb things. Like when it comes to family issues and my fathers rants. I tend to have a temper when it comes to that, otherwise I'm fine. I'm always happy around my friends though. Trowa always makes me in a good mood.   
  
There isn't much more to say but, life overall with me is pretty good. I can't say I hate it at all. I think writing in a journal has helped alot.   
  
Well that's all for now.   
  
~   
  
Quatre Winner   
  
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Well... want me to write more entry's for Quatre's journal? 


	2. Entry 2

Entry #2:   
  
I went to a movie last night. Well Trowa came too!! We couldn't get in to the one we wanted because they were al sold out. Damn, that made me mad. So in the end we had to see this stupid movie. I swear it made no sense. I can't even rememeber the name! It was that stupid. But we made fun of it the whole time. Afew people even got mad at us for talking too loudly. Anyways, we went for pizza after. Hurray!! Ear to ear grin for me! Expessially since Trowa was paying!   
  
We met afew people from school at the pizza place. Nobody interesting really. Ick. Well, there was Relena .. SHE KEPT FLURTING WITH ME! yech. I felt like just hitting my head on the table numerous times so that in the end I wouldn't have to look, or listen to her. I don't have nothing against her, it's just back off a bit! Ooooh and to make matters worse all Trowa did was laugh at me! I hit him later for that one...heh.   
  
Anyways, after we walked home...ahh... to walk home with Trowa.. I had to mentally slap myself afew times for staring at him too much. But he's so...so....cute. I find myself acting like a idiot around him alot which is actually very embarrising. But he usually just laughs at me, which I am not sure it is a good thing or a bad thing. I just don't know.   
  
I guess in the back of my mind I'm wishing that... He liked me back. Or something, but I fear that... something will happen and he doesn't like me and it will ruin our friendship. I don't want that... that's why I need to try an keep it secret. I can't help but sigh, I feel like I can't stop thinking about him. It's as if I could burst. I'm probably not making any sense rambling on like this. But my mind is telling me that I must write it. I guess It's better to write out all my thoughts, if I don't then I would probably say do somethng I don't want to do, meaning tell Trowa everything on how I feel towards him.   
  
Gah, I'm just a loser...   
  
I think he asked me to go check out a book store with him tommorow... I think... I can't remmeber all I know is he asked me to go somewhere. Oh well, It don't matter really as long as I'm with him, I'm happy. Very happy!   
  
School..... yea thats right, I have a quiz in math tommorow... yech. I think I better study... or something. I'll just... look it over.   
  
Uh oh....I hear Iria, my oldest sister.. She must be visiting... great. Her and her boyfriend are gonna bug me.. Save me!!   
  
~   
  
Quatre Winner   
  
Note to Self: Find good hiding place!   
  
  
  
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LOL, very odd aren't I? I just love writing these things though! 


	3. Entry 3

Entry #3:   
  
Agh...so bored. So very bored. I wish Trowa was around but he's not. He went to his aunt and uncles house to visit them as well as his cousins. I would of went but Iria said I couldn't...blah. She just wants me to suffer in my room! Nah... she wanted me to go with her to her boyfriends house to help him set up his new computer. She said he was extremely computer illiterate, now I have something to bug him about. Oh well..agh... it's only 2 in the afternoon.   
  
I tried making breafast this morning but got distracted and I burnt it. Well at least I never set anything on fire... Iria would of killed me. So I decided, before I did anymore damage, to make toast. Yuck, I hate toast, I think I better stop being so fussy. Iria always goes on to me that I never eat, also because when I do it's usually junk. Oh well. I'll just... poke her next time. But Trowa does it to me soemtimes too... but I usually just hit him on on the arm... but then he does it back, and it HURTS. Oh well I wuv him... I wish I could say it! I really, realy LUV him!!! Boy ... I'm going insane. I need to somehow tell him...or even hint it to him... oh I don't know... but then I don't want to lose his friendship.. it's so confusing. I really don't know what to do(still). I keep complaining about it but I'm too afraid to do something. He's a great friend... my best friend...I don't want to lose that special thing between us.   
  
Anyways, I tired... I think I better take a nap or something before Iria gets home and drags me off to her boyfriends house.   
  
Till next entry...   
  
~   
  
Quatre Winner   
  
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comments? questions? Anything? 


	4. Entry 4

Entry #4:   
  
Ack! I ended up watching my little niece. My oldest sisters daughter. Agh! What a brat! She totally killed my computer! Now I need a new one. I'm fuming. I tried making her sit in the corner but she beat me on the head with her stupid doll and ran off to hide.   
  
Took me forever to find the little monster... She was hiding in Iria's room, in her closet. I swear my sister must give this kid piles of sugar. She's so damn hyper. I swear I'm never babsitting this monster ever again!   
  
Trowa's still gone. Damnit I would of got him over here to help me with this monster. Yes, I now named her monster even though her real name is Lily. But damn that name does not suit her.   
  
I'm waiting for Iria to get home so I can go out and pick out a new computer. I wish she would hurry. I'm bored. I tried to fix my computer but it's totally fried.   
  
Oh yea that damn little brat made a mess of our kitchen. Iria got mad at me for it! Oi... that little monster laughed at me too. I wanted to tip her little head off... She has to be the spawn of satan. Well she does have a fasination....for fire. I learned that the hard way.   
  
I'm in such a bad mood from yesterday. I curse over and over in my head. I am so going to complain to Trowa when he get's back. I'm probably going to complain so much he'll smack me one. Ah....nah. He might not do THAT. But still...maybe I shouldn't complain to him. He might get annoyed with me...   
  
Do..do...do...bored. Must write stupid random things to pas time. Trowa better be back tommorow. School's boring without him. I'm not obsessed over him...really I'm not. I don't stare at his seat in class....Ok so I do.   
  
Oh. I hear someone outside! Maybe it's Iria.   
  
Ahh! It's her boyfriend. Need to hide. He's evil. I swear. He's constantly making rude jokes. Ah...crap,crap,crap... here he comes. I'm so waitinf for a rude comment. I can't believe Iria thinks he's funny! Ah well! I'm going to go try and baracade myself in here till Iria gets here...!   
  
~   
  
Quatre Winner   
  
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ta-da! update! *claps hands* 


	5. Entry 5

Entry #5:   
  
Well, I guess it's time to write some more. I spent hours(I mean hours) on this stupid project for school. Did I mention biology was my least favorite subject? Probably not but it is... I mean. stupid diagram. Why do I have to draw it? It means nothing to me. Ok so a good mark means alot to me. I guess my mind has just been in the clouds lately...leaving me totally brain dead.   
  
You know that feeling of uh... well an empty head where you don't feel like doing absolutely anything. Well, I feel like that right now. Phone Phone... I should call Trowa. Ok so I was stareing at that phone for a really long time. I never called him. I wish I did. I wanted to see if he'd come over for a little while but I just seemed to chicken out... I don't know why, I mean I'm his friend.   
  
Damn... I really need to get this out to him. But I don't really know how to say it. It's driving me crazy. My rants and writings are getting rather repetitive and I really think I'll end up going insane. A letter..? No too childish and embarrising. Email? No that can become... embarrising as well. Phone...Phone....Phone.... I really really really want to talk with him. Ok. Let's see I'll call him and after the phone call I'll write some more. Maybe rant on about how much of a idiot I am.   
  
...   
  
...   
  
Yeah, so he's coming over, he'll be here in about a half hour. Oh God. What do I say to him? DO I just hint it? Or do I just flat out tell him how I feel? He seemed happy that I invited him over.   
  
Ah. I may sounds crazy but maybe... Just maybe he was thinking of me too. Ok I must of been dreaming. Damn his voice sounds so nice on the phone. Agh.. I'm so not in the right frame of mind.   
  
Ok ok, time to think about something else.   
  
I guess I'll go get something to eat while I wait and...try not to think. (Like I can do that, but oh well.)   
  
I'll wish myself luck here...   
  
~   
  
Quatre Winner   
  
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I can't believe I haven't updated in this long.. I feel so bad. But I finally decided it was TIME to type out something. So I did! Look for more updates soon! ^_^ 


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